I work with this guy named Alan. He doesn't drink coffee. Sometimes he'll stand up and go, "Hey guys, I'm gonna go get a melkshake." He says melk instead of milk. It's pretty funny.
The other day he came back from the melkshake place and there was something in his hands but I couldn't see it. It reflected a glare into the room. It was blinding, as if God himself was emanating from Alan's hands. It was the holy grail of Melkshakes. It was the megashake.
The glare wore down but the hype didn't. Day after day, Alan would tell me about this megashake. I didn't care.
"Three scoops of ice cream!" he'd yell.
...I'd shrug my shoulders.
"A flake crushed into it!" he'd yell.
...I'd check my emails
"And you can get any ice-cream flavour you want, even hokey pokey..." finished Al, looking at his toes, defeated.
"Wait one gawd damned second," I shouted, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him towards me. "Did you say Hokey motherfuckin' Pokey."
Alan nodded and I was out of there. The lady who makes the megashake makes you feel guilty about buying one. Like, why would you ask her to make one for you, she only works there, sheeesh. So I stood there feeling guilty. But I tells ya man, it was so totes worth it.
When I got that megashake, and had a sip, I lost my mind. When I finished it I needed a cigarette and a quiet moment to myself. Some people will tell you I cried a little, but don't listen to them. I just got some melk in my eyes. 5 stars.