Genius Idea #1

It's Monday morning which is awesome because I just had genius idea #1 for my life. I've had ideas before but this is my first genius one. I'm sure it will make millions, if not hundreds of dollars.

Here it is:

Imagine, a mug... stay with me now, with the words "Mug Life" printed on the side. (See Figure A)

Figure A

This would also be a good idea if someone who was good at drawing drew a picture of a mug that was a scary looking gangster with the caption above it saying "Mug Life".

Ok, so it's out there now. Internet, I'd like the millions of dollars made out to cash and sent to me ASAP please. I want to buy an iPhone. Thanks.

4 stars.

Facebook posts from Alvin.

Today I got a Facebook post from Alvin. Remember Alvin? Ha, the crazy guy... this is what the post said.

"The other night i caught the night rider home, before hand i went to get my usual $15 kfc feed. In all the hoo hub they gave me 2 zinger burgers!! I ate one on the bus and then put the other in the bag and put the bag handle through the cuff button on my shirt, so that on the walk home my hands would be available to grip things. I attempted the short cut from like Bunnings straight to mine, through the streets with the City street names...
Any way at some point i made a wrong turn and ended up in a street that was dead ended by a large fence that backed onto the train tracks. I decided I would scale the fence to avoid back tracking...I unbuttoned my bag and tossed it over the fence, then scaled the huge fence severely cutting my hands and hurting my knee. Once i got over i landed in grass that was like hip height. I looked for my zinger burger in the long grass for a few minutes but couldn't find it. Zinger burger in the grass....sounds like a picnic..."

5 stars.

Zeljko Kodak

I can't sleep and Facebook is mad boring and my book is nowhere near my bed so I'm just gonna start typing until some sort of coherent piece of text comes out here. Maybe even incoherent. Incoherent is a kind of nice word to say. You know what isn't a nice word to say? Sausage. Yeah, sausage. Gross. Soss.... Ij. Erghhh.

So I guess the point of this post is that incoherent is a fun word to say and sausage isn't.

A man with dirty fingernails once told me that Kodak was the name chosen for the Kodak company because the guy who started it was told words that start and finish with the "ke" sound are best. As are words with two syllables and have five letters. Seems a pretty narrow ideal for a good word. Who the fuck made that rule? Whatever happened to Cellar Door and all that shiz? The only other example I can think of right now is Zeljko Kalac's last name... which is Kalac. He was the goalie for the Socceroos whenever Mark Schwartzer wanted to play Nintendo or whatever. He had super long arms and slick back hair, like a mobster. I liked him.

2 Stars.

(I just wikipedia-ed the Kodak thing... not true).

Puns on a friday at work.

Even better.

No Stars.

Puns.

I fucking love them.

5 stars.

Posting blog posts

Sometimes I just feel like posting stuff. I thought about what I could post today.

I thought maybe I could post about how I wake up and hit the snooze button consistently until Tall Guy calls me and says he's two minutes away from picking me up, and how if it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't get to work till about 12.45.

I thought maybe I could post about getting coffees at the Sugarmill in the morning and how the drugs in the coffee make my blood feel fuzzy and gets me thinking that everything is right with the world.

I thought maybe I could post about how Cutthroat says funny things without having any idea how funny they are, like flame-able when she means flammable and how that's probably the best thing ever. Better than penicillin.

I should probably do some work though. So instead, here is a picture of some cats fighting.

1 star.

Jack and Charlie

Jack and Charlie are in a band. Their band is called The Bittersweet Kicks. Sometimes The Bittersweet Kicks get asked to play in the bright lighted cities of Sydney or Brisbane or Albury. When that happens they get in a car in suburban Melbourne and drive north.

Being the inquisitive and worldly citizens that they are, Jack and Charlie take every opportunity to experience the cultural delights the Hume Highway presents them with. Good on you Jack and Charlie. Keep discovering that world.

 

3 stars.

Tall Guy's Commentary

My buddy old pal Tall Guy, he's a pretty funny and clever guy and he knows lots about surfboard riding. That's why he gets asked to commentate surfboard riding competitions sometimes.

I commentated with him once. It was at the Manly Festival of Surfing. We were really hungover and woke up in Manly. We walked in there and he put a mic in my hand and told me to talk and I did. Tony Abbot was surfing in that event. Tony Abbot is a douche. We didn't say that though. We were very professional. One of the guys we were commentating with called him the future Prime Minister of Australia which I thought was a stupid thing to say, but I don't know much about surfboard riding commentary. So it probably isn't.

Anyway, I was watching this surfboard riding competition on my computer the other day and I caught some of Tall Guy's work:

Brilliant.

5 stars.

Mark's Breakfast Funny

This morning people woke up in my house with facepaint on their faces and fuzzyness in their heads.

Mark was one of those people. So was Mal. So was Cuthroat.

The house smelt like beer so we walked down the hill to the beach where we could wash off the facepaint and rinse out the fuzzyness. Then we got breakfast.

Mal's menu had an ad for a psychic.

"Look," she said. "He was awarded Australia's best psychic."

"That's the kind of award you know you're going to get before you get it," said Mark.

5 stars.

Awesome things said by Work Experience Kids

When I got back into the office of Surfboard Riding and You yesterday there was a new kid hanging around in there.

His name was Reisly and he was staying at Tall Guy's house. But Tall Guy had to go to his nephew's birthday so I took Reisly to the pub with my pal Thunder.

Thunder's pal Escotte came and introduced himself to Reisly and Reisly said the best thing ever.

"What do you do?" said Reisly.

"I'm an architect," said Escotte.

"I know two architects now," said Reisly.

The he paused before looking off into the distance of the Collaroy Beach Club and saying...

"You, and someone else."

4 stars.

Holy Crap!

No I'm not reviewing Holy Crap. I'm just saying it. As in Holy Crap a lot of crap has gone on since I did my last post and crap.

Say crap ten times. Seriously. Do it.

Sounds weird doesn't it.

Anyway, since the last review I went to New York and I slept on a floor and I went to Indonesia and I slept on a boat.

In New York I met Dane Reynolds and he mentioned me in his blog as "some Australian" and in Indonesia I met some village children who ran away from a tsunami last year and they gave me high fives.

Now I'm back and it's getting warmer and the air smells more like summer than before I left. I have a girlfriend too which means less googling Emily Browning and less talking about getting a girlfriend and less feeling lonely like an artist. That's kind of sad. My favourite internet pal moved to Sydney too, and we're totes pals in real life. Which means less Facebook chats with him about not having girlfriends. That's kind of sad too.

Is it?

It isn't is it?

They're both from New Zealand which means lots more impersonating of New Zealanders and references to We Were Warriors which I haven't seen but have heard lots about. That's kind of awesome.

So yeah. Yep. Awesome.

Worst post ever?

5 stars.

Those times at work

Sometimes when I'm at work I go to pee in the toilet.

And sometimes when I go to pee in the toilet there is already pee in there. Not my pee. Someone else's pee. Someone else's pee that they haven't flushed.

It doesn't bother me. I just pee on top of it.

And while I pee I think to myself, "I wonder whose pee this is..."

I never work it out but it's a fun to think about while I stand there peeing.

4 stars.